What Do You Want to Be?

What is your dream?  When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?  A doctor, teacher, or fireman?  A rockstar, artist, or professional athlete?  Wealthy?  Powerful?  Influential?

What qualities or characteristics did you dream of having?  That's a little harder to answer.  It's not a question adults asked your eight-year-old self, is it?  You may have dreamed of being a lawyer, but why?  To make a lot of money and be respected, or to help people in difficult situations?  If you wanted to be a business executive, was it to be important and have a lot of people to boss around, or to guide a business and its personnel into a positive way of being in the world, recognizing human value, environmental and financial impact, and service?

I wanted to be a teacher.  I had a chalkboard in my room, and picked up textbooks at garage sales.  I made answer keys for the books, and taught my dolls and stuffed animals.  When I was in college, I started teaching piano lessons.  I did that for about ten years, until self-employment got to be too difficult.

Now I'm not sure what I want to be when I grow up.  I'm 54 years old, and my career goals are less defined than when I was a child.  I've only held a handful of jobs--retail clerk, pianist and piano teacher, typist, Hardee's front line, temp, Girl Scout counselor, payroll clerk for a trucking company, call center manager, and now accounts payable clerk at a brick and stone company.  Seems all over the place, huh?

I think my focus has been misplaced.  I lost my job of 19 1/2 years in March.  In the process of looking for a new source of income and insurance, something to do from 8 to 5 Monday through Friday besides sit on the couch and eat, I had to think of what I really wanted to do.  I knew what I didn't want:  I didn't want to be in management or answer phones.  I didn't want to buy a second car, so a commute was out.  I didn't want to work in an industry or for a company whose values I didn't respect.  I didn't want "just a job."

And now, here I am, in "just a job."  I work in accounts payable in an industry I'd never considered.  Am I an accountant?  No, but I have a head for numbers and a good eye for detail.  Do I know anything about brick?  It's pretty.  But this job ticks all the boxes above, and I really like the people I work with, and they like me.  I still have a lot to learn, but I'm good at what I do so far, and I'm taking on more responsibilities all the time.  Most importantly, I feel like I am making a positive difference here as part of a team that actually takes teamwork to heart.

Was this my childhood dream?  Was it anyone's?  Maybe it should have been--to earn a living working in harmony with others.  To practice kindness and friendship with the people I spend 40 hours a week with.  To leave work at work so I can be completely present when I'm at home.  To earn a living so I can live my life.  Fully.  That is what we need to teach our children--that their importance doesn't reside in what they do for a living, but in how they do it.  Whether her job requires a terminal degree or an eighth-grade education, it's what she brings to it as a person that matters.  Whether or not they ever have their name in lights, they have value.  Whatever he does, he's the only one that can do it the way he does it, because he is unique and special.  I am living the dream I never thought I had, because I finally realized this IS the dream--to recognize my own value and bring that value to everything I do.  To make the difference only I can make.