Steel Magnolias

I'm in the middle of watching Steel Magnolias for the xth time.  There's a soft spot in my heart for this movie.  It came out when I was in college, in very-small-town Illinois.  At the time, there were only two theaters at our local movie house, and movies were cheap.  So I saw a lot of movies at that time, and Steel Magnolias is one that is burned into my memory.  

First of all, there were only five people in the theater for this showing, all of us students at (then) Lincoln Christian College.  Four of us were girls, and one was the boyfriend of one of the girls.  It always feels special to be one of only a few at a movie, and this was an unexpected treat.  The movie was great, and we all left the theater reciting lines, like "He doesn't know whether to wind his butt or scratch his watch," or "Hit her!" or "If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me" or "I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 40 years!"  The filmmakers played a dirty trick on us, though.  Spoiler alert (but this movie is over thirty years old, so if you haven't seen it yet, I mean . . .):  Shelby dies.  And the women are standing around after the funeral, and M'Lynn, Shelby's mother, is angry.  She's ranting about the unfairness of it all--how Shelby had so much life left to live and it was taken away, and her little boy would never know how wonderful his mother was or how much she gave up for him.  M'Lynn ends her monologue by saying that she just wants to hit someone until they feel as bad as she does, and that's when Clairee grabs Ouiser and says, "Hit this!"  Up to this point, everyone in the theater is sobbing, ugly-crying, sniffling enough for an entire room full of people, and suddenly we're laughing.  I remember complaining afterward that I wasn't ready to laugh yet, but looking back, we all needed that in that moment, before we passed the emotional point of no return.  And sweet Dolly Parton as Truvy's line about laughter through tears--that was the perfect way to sum up the experience.

I've always loved this film.  I haven't seen the play, but some day I want to play Ouiser (and I'm probably pretty close to the right age).  It makes me laugh, it makes me cry, and every time I spend the first few minutes saying, "Oh, I forgot Tom Skerrett is in this!"  It's truly a beautiful story, and the casting is absolutely perfect.  But what endears me to this film is the women.  It seems to me that every single one of them has some characteristic that all women can identify with, so as we're watching it, we see ourselves.

First there's M'Lynn.  She has hair like a football helmet, but she is the one who takes care of everyone.  M'Lynn is a worrier--but as Shelby says, she does all the worrying for everyone else so they don't have to.  They know she's taking care of what (and whom) needs taking care of.  Planning her daughter's wedding--done.  Making sure her husband, Drum, doesn't shoot anyone or alienate the entire neighborhood--she's got this.  Giving Shelby her kidney--without hesitation.  Running across a crowded park to pick up her crying grandson--that's what grandmas do.  M'Lynn shoulders everything for everyone, which is such a woman thing.  

Clairee and Ouiser really need to be linked together, because they are joined at the hip.  Two sides of the same coin, both true southern women, they speak their minds, but in totally different ways.  I picture Clairee saying, "Bless her heart" (we all know what that's code for), while Ouiser is a little more direct with a certain finger in the air.  Both are widows, and are part of that sisterhood that calls them to take care of each other.  And they love each other fiercely and fight with a wit that comes only with a lifetime friendship.  They represent the perfect female relationship:  unconditional love that manifests itself sometimes in care and other times in calling out each other's shit, whatever is warranted at the time.  

Truvy is a fictionalized version of Dolly Parton herself.  She believes all women are beautiful and works to bring their inner beauty to their appearance.  Truvy is the glue that holds them all together.  Her life isn't easy, but she loves hard, is there when someone needs a hairstyle or a job, decorates hundreds of eggs for the town Easter egg hunt, and supports her family without question.  If that isn't women's work, I don't know what is:  taking what we have and making it beautiful, helping in every situation by making a phone call or six dozen cupcakes, holding down the fort when no one else is able or willing to help.  

And then there are Annelle and Shelby.  They're not part of the Golden Girls of Chinquapin Parish, but they deserve their place in the discussion.  Shelby is just starting out, but already her dreams are fading quickly.  Her diabetes threatens her marriage and family aspirations, but she is determined to have her own child, and does, at the expense of her health, and ultimately, her life.  She wants nothing more than to be a good nurse, a good wife, and a good mother, but her body has other plans.  Shelby realizes these dreams, with the guiding principle of having "thirty minutes of wonderful" versus "a lifetime of nothing special."  And for those thirty minutes, Shelby's life was wonderful.  Annelle is escaping a bad marriage and finds herself embraced by a new community and a welcoming circle of friends, a new husband and a baby-to-be.  Both of these women show extraordinary courage in the face of adversity, taking the lemons they were handed and making the sweetest lemonade, sharing it with those around them until their worlds were sweeter, too.  That's the responsibility we're given as women:  to clean up a mess, to making things shiny and new, to rise above our past and create a future of hope, resilience, and love.

There's one more character you won't find on any cast list--the character of these six women in relationship to each other.  Remember that science experiment from childhood, where the teacher handed you three sticks and asked you to break them, one at a time?  Of course you broke the sticks easily, no sweat.  Then the teacher gave you three sticks and asked you to break the three at the same time.  Not such an easy task, right?  Alone, those three sticks were easily bent and broken, but together they possessed the strength to resist the force exerted on them.  These six women together are worth far more than the six of them individually.  What they bring out in each other, how they make each other better than they could be on their own, creates a power that cannot be conquered by life or sickness or even death.  M'Lynn is the one who cares for all of them, but when she can't, the rest of them rally around her and pay back her care with interest.  Ouiser and Clairee find their roles reversed as Ouiser shows her well-hidden sensitivity and Clairee her inner mischief.  Truvy stands steady and unconditional in her faith, and Annelle finds strength she didn't know she had.  Even when losing one of their number, these Steel Magnolias are unbreakable--standing strong together, weathering the storms in a way they could never do on their own, growing up and growing old secure in the sisterhood of all women.  

Women of the 21st century, we are in the middle of a storm.  Probably the biggest storm in our lifetime.  I go online and see women judging each other.  Berating each other.  Let's call it what it is--bullying each other.  Lifting ourselves up by tearing each other down.  There is enough in the world that holds us down without us doing it to each other.  I want to challenge every woman to lift up the women in her life.  Encourage each other ("encourage" means to give courage).  Let another woman know you love her (or that you love what she's wearing).  Let's pull together to be unbreakable when outside forces are trying to separate us from the herd to destroy us.  We are Steel Magnolias.  We have strength and beauty most of us don't know we have, but we can bring it out in each other.  We can see it in each other more easily than we can see it in ourselves, and we MUST call attention to it when we see it.  Don't let another woman break when you can stand with her to strengthen her.  Stand together and face the storm with courage and resilience.